So after last night I figured today would be a good day of healing and letting things calm down. Luckily my girl and I spoke last night and we were able to talk through some of what happened and the feelings that were involved. I hated to hear her cry but i am glad she was able to be emotional without worrying about how it would effect me. Yes it hurt me to know that she was hurt, scared, or any of the other emotions she was having, but it was refreshing to know just how much she really cares. NOT that I think it is ever okay to hurt someone just to see how they react. That is abuse and not something that I am ever willing to do to anyone, let alone my little whore.
Reading her journal from last night really made me aware of just how bad the damage is from her past relationships. It sucks that someone so beautiful and loving has been broken down so much by ignorant little boys who pretend at being a Top. It makes me angry…I am angry at these men who think because they have the caveman mentality that they are Dominants. being a Dominant isn’t about being a fucking abusive asshole while your woman does everything for you. There is so much more than just the command and follow. Why is it so hard for men to understand there is more to it like, love, caring, nurturing, guiding, rewarding, and so many other POSITIVE things involved aside from controlling, punishing, sex, and humiliation. Not that anything is wrong with those things but they must be used in juncture with the positives as well. There are so many other things involved that are not listed but I think you get the idea.
I don’t want to be like that. I want her to always feel connected, valued, and loved even when I am punishing her or humiliating her. I am proud that she is mine. I am proud to own her. She is mine and I shall reward her with my touch and love. Period.
Foodums for Today
Breakfast: Egg and Sausage Burrito and Caramel Java Chiller (Sonic)
Lunch: 3 Grilled Legs, Mashed Potatoes w/ Gravy, Corn, 4 Jalapenos, Biscuit, and Pepsi (KFC)
Dinner: Fajita Beef Nachos, Refried Beans, Rice, and Sweet Ice Tea (Sabor A La Mexicana) Had sour cream, guacamole, salsa, and jalapenos on nachos)