This Feeling…

I know it has been a long time since I posted and there are several reasons for this. I shall explain, though I hope that I make some sense, because even now I am still drunk from the delicious pleasure my Master has given me. If at some point I lose you, then I apologies now and hope that you will forgive me…and if not then I have a big toe that would fit nicely in your mouth.

Many things have changed in our lives since my last post. We have let go of the girls who were in the chain (online). This is one reason I have not written in awhile because I didn’t wish to write in anger. Though in some cases anger is still there, but it is more of an umbrella over the situation in general. The first was let go because of several reasons, one being that she just couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Master finally had enough of it, though long after I had shut her off from me. Master is much more patient than I am….That is a good thing for me too. LOL The second was let go because I was just done trying to teach someone who didn’t want to learn. This lifestyle isn’t a game to me…and I refuse to share it with someone who thinks it is funny. The third…just last night…this was the hardest of them all. I have had Lina with me for nearly a year (our one year would be Jan 1). My schedule has been quite crazy and she has been neglected. Finally last night I told her that I was letting her go. She is unhappy and I thought I was doing the right thing for her. Freeing her to find someone who could give her what she wanted. She is such a sweet girl and I know I shall miss having her, but it was the best thing to do. Though I do hope she and I will remain close…I would hate to think after a year that we would stop talking. I do love her…

Recently, I read the 50 Shades series and I must admit…lord help me…I am a fan. The smut was not out of this world, like it would have been for a vanilla, but it was still delicious. The love story, well what can I see…don’t all women dream of something like that? The part that made me wiggles in my panties was…the scenes. Master and I have not been able to do much of that because RL just won’t allow it, and that makes me sad inside. The books have woken me back up and reminded me of what I want out of this relationship, not just love, sex, and to be controlled. I want…no no no, I NEED my Master to dominate me in all ways and to scene would be an amazing way to show that. So, what did  Scar do? She asked for it…what did Master say… O.O OKAY! 😀 *yes I am including the wide eyes and shit eating grin for emphasis* It isn’t his fault that we haven’t had a scene, a true one, but now I am more anxious to actually have one and see what happens…Well, I am still anxious, but now that I have had one…I want MORE!

There are times when Master and I will start our sessions in SL and let it carry over into RL. Some people may not understand this, but it is a creative outlet, like porn, to find excitement…and we enjoy it. So anyways, last night Master and I began our RP and I surprised him by something I had done. Though let me explain a little something first…

After reading the 50 Shades series I decided to read the Sleeping Beauty series, which have been quite *clears throat* interesting. I can’t say that they are better, because I believe them to be on two separate planes of the BDSM life. Where 50 Shades is more of a RL type of situation, excluding the money and such, Sleeping Beauty is complete fantasy…COMPLETE FANTASY, but still quite…educational. I have many things to learn still in this lifestyle and I have picked up a few things here and there within these books that I know I would enjoy…and want to try. So, last night as Master and I were RP’ing in world, I removed his clothing with my teeth…(described in the book) but when it came to his belt, I removed it and instead of dropping it on the ground with his shirt and jacket…I nudged his hand with my nose and then looked up into his eyes. I could tell he was excited by this and if it weren’t for our internet being a complete fucking douche we would have explored more in SL, BUT because our net was a douche we decided to not do SL rp and just do RL. Last night I got my first, true lashing with a belt (that wasn’t meant to punish me), and I have to say….I don’t think I have cum that hard in a long time. WHY HAVE I NOT DONE THIS SOONER!?

I knew that I had a tolerance for pain, and that there was pain that I actually enjoyed, but…after being beaten and nearly killed by the abuse of my RL parents…I never thought it would be possible to find such pleasure in the pain. I know a lot has to do with the fact it is my Master who is doing it, a person I love and trust completely. Even in the midst of it he asked me what our safeword was, and I said I couldn’t remember. I have never had to use it! Last night was no exception! I know he could have gone harder, but I think harder would have made it more punishment style instead of the delicious stinging pleasure I found in the leather meeting my ass in those delicious moments it came across my flesh. I think next time I want Master to take pictures so I can enjoy how beautiful my ass looked with the stripes from the belt. *sighs softly…with greedy eyes*

I am going to try and start posting more often, like before, but my RL schedule is so fucked up till I get a different job and I can’t promise anything, but I will try! ❤ to all my readers…

4ever yours,

Submissive Scar


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