Today, as I was taking a break from some very difficult school work, I decided to go look over some blogs I haven’t had a chance to look at in a while. One of them caught my eye, instantly, as it is on a topic that has plagued me ever since I submitted to my Master.
Sadly, it is very uncomfortable for me to kneel before my Master for many reasons. I hate it…I would do anything to be able to kneel before him, giving him the pleasure of his Dominance as he towers above me. To be able to, so easily, pull his cock from his pants and slip it between my lips and feel it grow hard upon my tongue….sighs. I WANT to kneel, but I can’t, so what can I do instead?
Well, the website linked above gave some good ideas!
I think that as long as your eye level is at or below the Master (or Mistress’s) waist level it should be okay, right? So a suggestion given would be to use a cushion or a little stool that you can sit on. I have done something similar to this a few times. We have had our mattress on the floor as we were waiting to get our bed frame and I would sit on it while my Master stood before me, it worked splendidly. I am thinking that I want to get a good short stool, one I can sit on, but still is comfy enough for my bottom not to go numb. Has anyone ever had the issue of sitting on the floor so long that your actually hoo hoo goes numb? I have to admit when that happens and it starts getting the tinglies cause it is waking up……..yeah maybe I should sit on the floor more often….blushes.
I do like the examples they gave of subtle subservient signs:
- lowered eyes
- silence and only speaking when spoken to
- hands folded behind the back
- using sir/ma’am
- wearing a collar
Though I do tend to do some of these already, I know I should do them more….sighs. I have been very unruly lately and I just don’t know why. I don’t know if it is because I am back in world and I am playing, again, the Mistress…the Slaver to those in camp and it is fucking with my rl persona or not. All I know is I am not liking myself and how I have been behaving. Has Master done anything to me because of it? No, but…thing is he doesn’t have too. I KNOW how he feels about it, the looks he gives, the silence of his words eat me alive inside. So, no..he hasn’t punished me (yet…he does keep note of any indiscretions), but I am punishing myself quite a bit, internally, as I know how much I anger him and disappoint him.
Sadly, school work has been difficult for me this go around. I missed a few things in the first two weeks and my grades are showing it. I am MAD, pissed OFF, and ANGRY at myself for not doing what I was supposed to do. I did so amazing with the last two classes that now, I am disappointing myself. Problem is, it is because of a mixture of things that I believe this is happening.
- I was so super excited about these particular classes that now that I am taking them…they actually are boring.
- They are actually HARDER than I thought they would be….but then again aren’t they supposed to get harder?
- I grew lazy…mentally.
I really wish we got at least a one week break between classes classes ending and new ones beginning. I really think it would make a difference in how productive I am in the first couple of weeks. Well, no excuses, I shouldn’t have slacked and I am suffering because of it. I need to get my printer hooked up so I can print the text for the weeks and get away from my computer to read it. I am so easily distracted and I know that is a huge issue right now…Master was right, I did better when I didn’t have internet because I didn’t have much else to distract me. *sighs* What am I gonna do?
Anyways, I have to go to work…yay D: