it is getting HARDER!


As our time offline grows longer it grows harder and harder to stay connected to the things and people we love. I miss being able to get into our alternate world and visiting with people whom we have grown close too, one of those being our kalibear. We still have contact with her, but it is minimal and I grow tired of not being able to hear her voice or even see her sexy little avatar. Another that I miss is my lina…it has been difficult to stay in contact with her with little to no contact with her but the occasional I miss you and I love you’s that she sends me. I don’t worry about kali as much as I do lina because I know how strong kali is and the fact we have contact with her on a daily basis. Lina is a much different creature than that of kali…*sighs*

I miss being submissive  most of all…I miss being able to be carefree except for the care of my Master. I miss being able to please him in all ways even when it is via the internet, but there we don’t have to hide behind a closed door from those little eyes that like to haunt our doorway. Real life I give what I can but it is much more difficult some days than when it is in our alternate world. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact I can’t kneel down beside my Master because my legs are not flexible enough to withstand me kneeling on them for that long. The way the muscles pull as I do this hurts so bad, but I am determined to start stretching again so that my legs are back tot he way they were a few years ago. How I desire so badly to sit below my Master…to walk a pace behind him and be his perfect little slut, even in public. How even when we go out to eat I wish I could sit at his feet and take what offering of food he allows me. Sounds like a good diet plan to me…hummmm.

So many things I wish that society would allow us to do…how I wish we could just find a large ranch and live there, how we wish too, without having to worry about neighbors. We watches the Village last night (we have done nothing but watch movies since we don’t have cable) and I longed to live that way. Live like they used too…plant my own garden, raise my own meat, just live a pure and outside influence free life. Being able to be who we wish and desire to be without society frowning upon us as my Master sands before his two deliciously sexy sluts kneeling before him looking up into his eyes with longing and love.

I know one thing is for certain, I want to find a house and get out of the apartment. I want to find a house large enough that we have maybe have a room that is strictly our lifestyle room. Where Master can put up a horse to whip us on and even a place to suspend us from the ceiling (one of my fantasies). I know to be able to do this it would have to be a private room that my children would not be able to get in too, then we run the risk of the “don’t look down” syndrome where you say “No you can’t go in this room” and all it does is cue their curiosity and they end up sneaking in.

Some one asked me one time if I would want my daughters to live this type of lifestyle. I would have to say that it really isn’t up to me is it? All i want for my daughters and their love life is for them to grow up with the values that I teach them and to have a man (or woman depending on their sexuality) that loves them and treats them with respect without being cruelly abusive. What kind of person would I be to judge their lifestyle choices if I wish nothing more than to live mine without judgement as well? I mean I wouldn’t want my children committing violent crimes or doing drugs, but hell…half the stuff you do in bed with your husband (or Master *grins*) is illegal too!

DAMN IT! ALL I WANT TO DO IS KNEEL BEFORE MY MASTER AND ACCEPT HIS CONTROL! Why is that so hard for people to understand?

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