As the time has gone on I have found myself wavering from side to side and I could never understand why I was having such a hard time putting my finger on who I really was. Am I a switch? Am I a sub? Am I a Slave? Am I…just a wife? Who am I? Well I know that I am the only one who can honestly answer any of those questions, but with the guidance and patience of my Master I have been able to find the answers much easier, though not fully, as I continue to explore who I truly am.
As I said in my last post I am finding myself leaning pretty close to the side of a switch, though in no way does that mean my Master is who I attempt to Top in any way. He is a Top and always will be, not only to me but to others bottoms who come into our lives. I have to say I am so thankful to have him as my Master, my Husband, and my Lover. He has helped me explore so much of who I am that being able to say that I am a switch is such a comforting thing. I used to deny this lifestyle could even be a part of who I am and I find out now the reason why…I am a switch.
Does being a switch make me a bad submissive to my Master? This is something that I question and even worry about from time to time. I know that when I get out of line with my Master he will instantly remind me of my place, even if it is just with a simple look. I think I used to be closed minded on this subject and it had a tendency to confuse me more than anything which then gave me a negative attitude towards it. Now that I have begun to explore it and understand more of what it means to me, I see that there are so many possibilities to being a switch that I never would have thought possible.
I know that being a switch is not for every submissive, but I think it is the best fit for my personal personality. It gives me an outlet to let me be aggressive and dominant with another person, preferably a woman, but then the chance to still kneel before my Master and soak up his ever desirable happiness with his slut. Which brings me to another topic, is it normal to glow with such amazing joy when I know my Master is happy and pleased with his slut? I have always been one to find great pleasure in giving my Master pleasure, sexually, but I never knew it was something that could give me pleasure to just know he is happy.
Oh how things have made me think and how I have realized that though I want a stronger handed Master I am ever so pleased with my patient and ever teaching Master who will wield his strength when HE feels it is necessary, not when I do.
On to other news…
Master has acquired a new girl via the internet and we have been spending some time talking with her, answering questions she may have, and asking some of our own. It is nice to know that we have all grown so comfortable with each other after such a short time actually bound to each other in this way. Before we were simply friends who spoke often and had grown quite fond of each other, but now it is a new dynamic and I have to admit I am quite pleased. There has already been questions asked about rl this and rl that and it has been a long time since I have been comfortable talking about real life, well since..”her”. I have to say that I have had no ill thoughts or hold ups in thinking about us three being a family. Gee…a family. Is that what we would be considered? I know in my heart it is how it would be to me, but how else would it be classified? The possibilities for our lives are endless and I can’t wait to explore them even deeper with my Master and my new “sister”.