Are they as important as we all make them out to be? I really don’t know! What I mean by this is; As women we are emotional (sometimes crazy) and our feelings are shooting in all directions. I don’t feel loved, I feel loved, I feel wanted, I don’t feel wanted, I feel ashamed, I feel embarrassed, I feel sexual, I DON’T feel sexual, I feel sexy, I DON’T feel sexy….so on and so forth. When we are feeling grumpy and well…bitchy, is our Master supposed to do something about this? I mean really, what the fuck can he do?
Not that I doubt Masters ability to comfort me or even bust my ass into reality. What I am getting at is, does he have to put up with this kind of emotional crap just because I am feeling a bit temperamental? Yes, he is my Master, but why should he have to tolerate these kinds of “episodes”. Not that they happen often, but there are days where I just don’t give a fuck that he is my Master, just leave me the fuck alone. ya know? I mean does this happen to anyone else? I know I can’t be the only one, but does this make me a bad slave or just a normal woman? I don’t want to be a normal woman, I want to be HIS perfect girl.
I realize that, here lately, I have been less committed to my servitude to Master than even I care to really admit to. I have slipped into wife mode and I know that has a lot to do with the kids being here. When it is just Master and I its easy, but when my children are home I just don’t know how to be. I am not getting my guidance from him in this area and I wonder why. Does he even care? Does he just not want to deal with me? I am not trying to play the pity me card, I just want to understand how to fix this problem. I am his wife, sure, but my heart is in his collar and I am disgusted with myself for not always being what I truly am. No, I don’t mean kneeling at his feet and worshiping his cock….wtf are you thinking? I mean…the way I speak to him, the way I act towards him, and just complete wife role. I really need to find tools to help me NOT be this way. *sighs*
Master has been a little…lax I guess is the word. He has been doing his own thing and I think that may also be the reason for my own slackness in my servitude towards him. I am not saying he should not have his own things going on, but…sometimes I feel like I am not important enough to even get my vitamins. 😦
I am not saying Master is not a good Master because he IS! I am just saying that I am being a selfish little brat and want MORE MORE MORE! But hell, what girl doesn’t? Please, I know I am not the only one! I am trying to be patient and trying to remember my place, but sometimes…I just want HIM! I love him, I want him, I crave him! I wish I could just unplug his computer and drag him to bed and just beg him to have his way with me. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
I know I am lucky, I live with my Master. I get to touch him, when he says I can, and sleep in the same bed as him, as long as he lets me, but sometimes I need more from him. Well, I should say I want more, it is up to him after all to determine what I need. lol He will probably read this and roll his eyes, but this is the point of my blog right? 😛
Well, I am still in complete bliss, loving my Master and my beautiful sis who I wish we could spend more time with and actually VISIT in RL. I love her so much and miss talking to her and seeing her beautiful face. 😦
I love you sissy! ❤
(and Master) *giggles*