A Question Worth Thinking About…

“What have you discovered in your service that you never expected?”

So, I saw this and was like, “Wow…I mean how many times do we ponder this question?” I mean we all have a preconceived notion on what a BDSM or D/s relationship is before we ever get into the lifestyle.  For most of us we are proven that what we see in the movies is NOT how it ALWAYS is.  So I decided I would sit down and answer it…Here it goes.

So approximately seven years ago my Master and I had just started speaking, at the time the relationship was “Vanilla”.  Well, one day out of no where Master asked me what I thought about BDSM.  Well, *snorts* my response was something along the lines of…”You are fucking crazy!”, but the main excuse I gave was that I couldn’t do that with my children.  I used that excuse for a long time.  Of course, the only thing I knew about BDSM was whips, chains, pain…lots of pain.  Well, this girl was NOT into that crap…or so I thought anyways. *blushes*

Well, after a few years, I was introduced to SecondLife.com where my Master and I created accounts and had loads of fun.  We were “dancers” till that got way old, then I managed clubs for a bit but even that started to wear thin on my nerves.  We did get into the “Vampire” scene and I was introduced to an amazing woman who is and always will be considered my mother.  She was the “Queen” of the coven we were in and after some time she revealed to me her “submissive” side.  Showing me what it really was…taking me to places with her Master.  Of COURSE Master was all giddy like a kid presented with a big cake. teehee *hides her bottom*

Well, we came across a place I will call “D” for now, where a wonderful man was trying to teach everyone that BDSM is much more than sex, whips, chains, and SEX.  Being that this is the first place I was introduced too in the SL BDSM world, I must say I was spoiled.  I never saw the icky side of things, I only got to hear about it from all of the other girls who came in totally damaged from the “wannabe’s.”

At the time, I had submitted to Master, in world, because I knew that is what he wanted, but at the time it was still a game to me.  I still didn’t feel it like so many of the girls around me did.  I mean it was easy to kneel in front of Him and say “Yes Master” and such, but I was learning more and more.  My eyes were becoming more open to what this lifestyle really meant to not just the others around me but, most importantly, to my Master.  So, I started really paying attention, went to His classes when He was teaching at “D”.  I began to learn so much much more, because I was hearing it from the Man I trusted completely, the Man whom had my heart and soul.

Well, I started Modelling in SL and I removed the collar…and I was fine for sometime…but the pull to be back in my Masters collar and at His feet was becoming stronger and stronger.  I started leaving modelling groups…taking on less responsibility… and finally begged Master to let me, once again, be at His feet.  Now again, this was just SL, but in my heart it was RL now for me too.  I mean…I don’t know how to explain how now, just calling Him Master, makes me smile with pride.  He is MY Master…HE holds MY submission in HIS hands.  Loving me, protecting me, and guiding me with His command.

I never in a million years thought this would be me. I never thought I would ever let a Man have this kind of control over me.  I am still learning and I am bound to screw up more than I care to imagine…*rubs her sore ass* but I have to admit, it is worth every painful second.  The sting of the leather as it smacks against my ass when I do something bad, HURTS, but what hurts so much more is knowing, in my heart and soul, how disappointed Master is in me.  Just recently I got so angry I was done…I didn’t want to do this anymore, I couldn’t handle it…He released me and my heart broke.  I was so angry with myself that in the morning I begged for Him to take me back and apologized for my behavior.  Master did not deserve my disrespect, I had let someone get the better of me, and I am learning to not let that happen anymore, with Masters guidance of course.

I am now collared in SL and in RL, kneeling before Him on March 26, 2011.  I am His…mind body and soul.

4Ever yours,

Submissive Scar