Hanging by a Thread…


I wonder why, as a sub, it is so easy to hang myself?  I try my hardest to stay positive and keep things going in a direction that pleases my Master, which in itself makes me feel complete.  I am just having the hardest time turning off “wife” and leaving “sub” on.  Is that something other wives/subs/slaves have found difficult?  I know some are in the same situation, married to their Masters, but were they married before ever being in the lifestyle or after?

I do not want to change who I am, I am subservient to my HusDom, and will remain so till He decides I am no longer what He wishes to have.  I just hope that He always wishes to have me kneeling at His feet, giving Him what pleasure He wishes.

I have also tried reaching out to the “one” (related to a previous post) asking if the “one” and I could work on our friendship again.  Telling the “one” I was so sorry for any over reaction I had from the hurt.  The “one” apologized and so I thought things were on the way to mending.  I knew it would not be easy for either of us, but I thought…that they would actually have a conversation after that.  Apparently I was wrong…

I don’t know what else to do aside from just leave them alone, which is what I am going to do from now on.  I just don’t have the emotional strength for this person to continue to be so hurtful towards me when I was so open and willing to give my everything, to share my entire life with them.

I feel like I am hanging by a thread…I know Master will everything He can to help me from hanging myself……but I honestly am so hurt…

I explained it to Him…how I feel about this other person.  How I could feel so strongly for them the way I do.  I think it made sense to Him.  I explained that when He had left me before I could NOT accept it.  I loved Him so completely…that life without Him was like life without air.  I don’t have THAT strong of a feeling for the “one” but in essence I guess I do.  Basically it had just felt so…right, that I couldn’t think of anything else more that I wanted.

Master, me, the “one”, my children…living happily ever after.  1 beautiful, big family….

The thread is slipping…I know one day it will be gone completely and I will no longer feel the draw to this person like I do now.  That eventually the feelings I have for them will find a place back in the recess of my memory so that I can focus on something…or someone else to be in our lives.

Have you ever loved someone, other than your Master, so much it made you physically ill to think of them not being there? Do I sound crazy?  It is okay, you can say yes, I have felt crazy about this for so long, but I honestly believe it is because I had willingly opened my soul to this person for them to just throw it in the trash as if it meant nothing to them…

ouch…

Well………..I am happy with my Master…it being just He and myself…one day, maybe, He will look into adding another person to our family…but I don’t know if I will ever trust or love someone the way I loved…the “one”.

 

4Ever yours,

Submissive Scar

 

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One thought on “Hanging by a Thread…

  1. Baby, you are a wonderful sub, I am so proud to have your submission. I too find it difficult not to slip back into husband mode lol, but like we discussed there is a time and place for both. Also, I think we are getting better at recognizing our roles. As to the “other” Don’t let one bad experience turn you off to the possible wonderful experiences the future may hold. There may not be just one, there may be many at various times in the future, but we can open our hearts and love just the same.

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